Sunday, 25th December, 2022
For all Blog readers who celebrate Christmas, we wish you a lovely day. It is quite warm, grey and misty damp down here this morning. We are preparing to drive up to Surrey to be with M&K, P&C and the boys which will be nice. Hoping the M25 will be clear at around 11.30am. It usually is on Christmas Day.
Boxing Day is set to be warm and sunny so we may be able to continue our tradition of going down to the beach. We had imagined ourselves barbecuing Christmas Dinner in hot, Florida sunshine but Spring Hill will only reach 7C today so it looks like we would have been rethinking that. My friend, Jonathan, in Boston, Massachusetts is experiencing -8C and lots of heavy snow. Wouldn’t volunteer for that.
The last two years of Pauline’s Mum’s life saw us not travelling down to Surrey because she couldn’t face the journey. She came to our house in 2008 & 2009 and we carried her up the steps on a chair. You can see from the photo across the fields of West Yorkshire that she had a cheeky, spirited personality which carried her through her 96 years.
Her last Christmas was in 2009 and, at least she spent it with us. It was a happy day although she struggled to get through it. Her whole life was a struggle but she fought and won 96 years. I hope I can be as strong.
We drove up to Surrey for Christmas Day. I slept most of the day and then we drove home early because I was absolutely exhausted.
Monday, 26th December, 2022
My night was a struggle last night. I cycled between hot and cold, freezing and boiling, shaking uncontrollably and sweating profusely. I have lost control of my drug platforms. My INR is going mad. I’ve had a range of INR 2.0 – 3.0 for around 15 years. I test myself once a week and record it on a spreadsheet. In the last month, it has veered wildly between 4.7 and 1.7.
I was determined not to break the tradition, and Pauline drove us down to the beach. It was a lovely day and crowds were out walking or just taking the air. Unfortunately, it immediately emphasised the problem. All those people enjoying a walk in the sun along Sea Road and there is no way I can join them let alone do 10 miles.
I tottered on to the beach feeling more like an old man than ever. Just these few paces took an enormous amount of mental strength.
As we drove home, I am near to collapse. I am hardly able to stand unaided and Pauline got her way. She phoned 111 who immediately said they were sending an ambulance. When it arrived, a lovely couple of paramedics started a long process of tests. Eventually, they said that they would normally take me straight to hospital but Worthing Hospital was bulging at the seams and the wait outside would be some hours. I think they were softening me up to take there alternative route which is via my surgery which was supposed to be open on Tuesday.
Tuesday, 27th December, 2022
When Pauline phoned at 8.00 am, the recorded message still said they were open but they weren’t. I have a series of blood tests tomorrow and we can pin the surgery down to a plan of action. The Paramedics have sent all their notes and test results to the surgery. They thought it it was a urine infection which would be great in that a course of antibiotics should clean it out. Certainly, dropping the statins doesn’t seemed to have changed anything.
We are looking at Nuffield in Chichester to get a CT scan or an MRI scan. The problem is, we have ben given three, very different prognoses: a problem between the liver and the pancreas; a result of long term Statins use; a urinary tract infection.
Catherine sent me a photo of her latest grandson, Theo Servante. It obviously makes her very happy. Kevin and John Rid are incredibly proud of their grandchildren too. Just think this little one will have an average life expectancy of 100.
Maybe I will get back to writing something more interesting soon….
Wednesday, 28th December, 2022
…. but not yet, I’m sorry to say. Had another of those nightmare nights when I sweated so heavily that I woke up wet, all the sheets and duvet were wet and, at 3.30 am, Pauline was stripping and remaking the bed for the umpteenth time recently. More blood tests at the surgery this morning followed by a doctor consultation.
Horrible, grey, wet day out there. My doctor was fantastic and gave me 30+ mins of his time on a pressured, post-Christmas day. I feel so lucky and grateful. Not only that but he will ring me before he leaves tonight if the results are in. He will also arrange scans. I really am beginning to sound like the old man I am determined not to be. Hopefully, I will break out of this cycle soon.
I am daring to believe there is a future and that it needs to be planned for. France would be good to drive through this new year.
Thursday, 29th December, 2022
Didn’t sleep well and had another odd dream. Saw myself walking on Ilkley Moor which I only did once in 1974 with my friends, Kevin & Chris. It is just a fairly bleak moor with rough grass and huge rocks thrusting through towards the sky.
Why is this illness prompting these old pictures in my sleep? They must have lurked around for all these years in my subconscious and are just now being released.
Like some hourly bulletin on a dying Monarch posted on the Palace gates, here is the latest: I collected the Antibiotics prescribed at 9.00 last night. They appear to cover most of the areas of concern in one, huge pill, 3 times a day for 7 days. The pills are big enough to give a horse pause for thought never mind a little human like me. Still, if they work, I will be delighted.
This afternoon, I am off to the Radiology Department of Worthing Hospital to have some scans and I will see my doctor at 9.00 am tomorrow to go through the results. How unbelievably good is our NHS? … Well, even more than that.
Even Worthing Hospital welcomed us after finding somewhere to park. Straight to Radiology, just manged to take my coat off when a little girl called my name and took me into her room. I was told to take my shirt off, press my chest against a screen, hold my breath and that was it. As we went to pay for the carpark, we found it was free. We had been there less than 15 mins including searching a busy carpark. Absolutely wonderful service.
Forgot to say, Big John may be fading fast but Little John arrived this morning in preparation for a quick take over when required.
Friday, 30th December, 2022
Another weird night. Woke up soaking wet and Pauline was soon completely stripping the bed and remaking – which is a strange activity at 3.00 in the morning.
Had to be down at the Surgery (Yes, I know, I do go on.) for a review of yesterday’s scans, the results of which were in last night. There is no lung disease or sign of Pneumonia. A Liver scan has been booked and more blood tests including for Prostate cancer. Another review to see how things are progressing next Friday. If you tot up the hours of face-to-face I am being given, you would only conclude how lucky I am being in my treatment. I, for one, am embarrassed and determined to get well and out of their hair as quickly as possible.
You will know that Little John arrived yesterday very neatly packaged but with minimal instructions. I was guided to an on-line video which was very helpful and I quickly set it up, started it charging while installing the smartphone app to control it. This afternoon was time to see what he could do.
Before cleaning, Little John has to do a map of the ground floor to work out the most thorough but efficient route to take for the rest of his life. Only took about 15 mins. Next, he was instructed to start work. This whole ground floor would have been given 20 mins attention by me. Little John gave it 1 hour 25 minutes of full and non-stop attention before returning to base to dock.
When he switches off to recharge and await instructions, we have chance to empty him. Some, maybe most, of the robots have special dust catching bags which are held in the Docking Station and have to be removed by the user and replaced. This is an ongoing financial commitment. Ours has a pull-out cassette with filter lid which contains the compacted waste, It is emptied and can then be rinsed before putting it back.
It’s rare to get such fun on our Wedding Anniversary. We don’t take these things seriously. They are just another day in the year of fun and frolics. This one happens to mark our 44th year of marriage. The one difference is that we won’t be celebrating with Champagne or any alcohol this time.
Saturday, 31st December, 2022
A horrible, dark day of driving rain. Not a day for going out but for being tucked up and contemplative as we leave this year behind. Spent a self-indulgent morning in the Office playing The Moody Blues on Spotify on the TV app.
There is one, specific moment that I can pinpoint quite accurately in my teenage years when my developing brain was illuminated. A young man trapped in a large family and a small village was literally almost knocked over by this event. An epiphany of such proportion was delivered by a pop song. It was so significant that I can see it with such clarity as I write. I was just 14 years old and in my bedroom one afternoon and listening to (pirate) Radio London when this came on. I know many will find the ‘telling’ all too melodramatic but I promise you it is true and has stayed with me for the rest of my life.
Regular readers will know that music makes me cry. At the age of 14 I didn’t. Standing in the centre of my bedroom alone a new release from The Moody Blues (who I knew nothing about) came on the radio: Go Now in 1965. I drew breath, felt unsteady on my feet and said in my head, That’s the Answer and was amazed to find tears pouring down my face. I felt like the song had spoken directly to me and me alone. It was giving me answers but it was 4 years before I actually did ‘Go’.
I had been looking out for a long time. Perhaps I should have been looking in on myself but do young men really do that? The next song to point the way was Voices in the Sky in 1968.
Children with a skipping rope
Tell me what you sing
Play time is nearly gone
The bell’s about to ring
Voices in the skyJust what is happening to me
Voices in the Sky – The Moody Blues 1968
I lie awake with the sound of the sea
Calling to me
I was on the cusp of ‘A’ Levels and leaving. What was happening out there on the rim of the new world? If only this innocent, cocky lad had realised. When he got away. When he got there, things were not as he expected or predicted. It was scary, exciting, bewildering, challenging all rolled into one. It offered more questions than answers. Certainly more answers than I’d got at the time.
I’m looking for someone to change my life
Question – The Moody Blues 1970
I’m looking for a miracle in my life
And if you could see what it’s done to me …
When life had moved on, I was teaching and just completing my first Degree, the Moody Blues brought out this much more maturely themed piece – Forever Autumn – which almost destroys me even now as I listened to it this afternoon. The events of the past are so far away that it hurts.