Sunday, 4th June, 2023
And the sun goes on … Up early although I hardly slept at all. I feel like I am a man casting round for a purpose. Rather aimless. Asking what life is for. Some answer that with children; others with Religion. Some focus on achievements.
I have no religion, no children and it is a little bit problematic in one’s 70s to have a lot of achievement targets. That’s why I try to keep striving for health & fitness and have tried to rekindle friendships that I have ignored over a busy working life. Some have worked. Some have failed miserably. Hedonism is really what I have left and I try to satisfy that with travelling. More often than not, it is successful but temporary.
Temporary will have to do at the moment. Going to France next week and intend to spend some time walking in Le Touquet, Boulogne, Ardres, Hardelot, Hesdin, Wissant visiting some old haunts and markets. Hope this lovely weather holds. Apparently there was an air frost in North Yorkshire on Friday night. Can you imagine it? And I’m told it’s going to snow in North Wales this coming week.
I suppose that success for me in the near future will be to stay alive longer than the year. Today, I am going out for a walk in the warm – 25C/77F – sunshine with the aim of giving myself the best chance of survival. I had my haircut this morning so that I will at least look respectable if it all goes the other way. Dignity in Death, Dear Reader!
Just had a wonderful walk. The scenery, the sunshine, the warmth all calculated to make one feel good but, when it’s over … I cannot live for the moment. I am always looking for the future value. Where will it take me? How does it help me in my ultimate goal? I have always been like that and, no matter how loudly I shout at myself, I have never changed. I want; I want; I …..
Monday, 5th June, 2023
Clear blue sky. Strong warm sunshine. What else could it be? I am watering everything constantly and so is everyone else.
I’m watering the raised beds so much that I’ve fused the fence lights and had to get our electrician back to sort them out. The window cleaners pouring water down the sides of the house at the moment and my My Housekeeper is cleaning the Gym this morning so I can dirty it this afternoon. Most things are proceeding normally.
When I was completing my Masters Thesis, I could be found on a screamingly hot, Greek beach reading works of Durkheim and Weber – French and German Sociologists – Ferdinand Tonnes ‘ Gemeinschaft und Gesellschaft or Community & Association. I have no idea why but, today on this screamingly warm day, I am re-reading Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations – the 18th century tract upon which most Tory economic thinking is based. Haven’t read it for at least 30 years. It is nice to rechallenge myself. It does me good to make my head and heart hurt a bit.
Even Political Philosophers need new Trainers at times. Certainly, the miles that I’m putting in each week mean that I go through mine in no time. I always buy from Sketchers. The best pair I’ve had in the recent past I bought in America. I looked to replace them this morning. Do you know how much they cost? Two pairs will set me back £180.00!! Still, they should get me through until the Autumn.
My neighbours have told me they are so grateful for my efforts in maintaining the street that they are going to club together to buy me a ride-on-tractor-mower. They want to know which sort I would like. Of course, I won’t let them …. well …
Tuesday, 6th June, 2023
I like to be in control. I like to be in control of the world around me and the events affecting my life. Sounds megalomaniacal and probably is but, at least, I recognise that in myself. I find gardening suits my personality because I am telling Nature how I want it to look, where to grow, in what colour and what form. I like neat edges, straight lines, considered blends of colours. I like to know I am in control of my environment.
In just the same way, I like to be in control of events. The first thing I do after laying the table for Breakfast is to check my phone for messages and the calendar for the day’s planned events. The calendar is on my Android phone and on my Apple iPad. It is on Pauline’s phone and iPad as well. All four iterations of the calendar are continually and instantly synchronised so either of us can add an event at any time and it will appear in all the others.
This morning, I received an email reminding me that I will have to renew my driving licence again on my next birthday – 73 – and then again every 3 years. It is an offence punishable with a huge fine if you forget. So, I set my online calendar up to tell me on 6/4/2024 that my Driving Licence should have been renewed and to warn me one calendar month before that date to renew it. I also told it to renew this arrangement every 3 years in perpetuity. Now that’s optimism for you!
All the more optimistic because of what’s happening to me that I’m not in control of. I am beginning to get increasingly concerned about the radiotherapy that I’m going to be receiving/subjected to around the end of August – month of September.
My prostate has a lot of Adenocarcinoma in it. On one side there are slow-growing tumours which would otherwise only need regular monitoring. On the other side, I have more aggressive and much quicker growing tumours. That’s why I’m being treated with hormone therapy followed by external beam radiation radiotherapy. Although I have a high percentage chance of surviving the next ten years, there are some considerable and potentially life-changing side effects that I’d rather avoid.
I received a letter from my Oncologist this morning. He was a man I immediately bonded with. I discussed my life as a teacher in the North West somewhere he had trained. I love Opera and so, it turned out, does he. We discussed my love of Greece and the house we built there which coincided with his love of the same and the fact that he had actually been to Kamares where our house was built. We were just about to set off for a trip to Thessaloniki and so was he. The letter to my Surgery and copied to me actually refers to all those coincidences which was a nice, personal touch.
Wednesday, 7th June, 2023
Another lovely morning tinged with a strange feeling of sadness and separation that I have been feeling for a day or two. Don’t know what it is. When I feel like that, I turn to music and, on a day like today, Beethoven’s Pastorale is perfect. I can see myself now, 30 years ago, after a hard day at work, driving in a Honda sports car across the Pennines, warm, sunny weather, sunroof open, windows down, sheep grazing silently on the moor and Beethoven’s Symphony No. 6 in F major, Op. 68, also known as the Pastoral Symphony bursting the eardrums and drowning out negative thoughts.
Kevin returned from Spain a couple of days ago and JohnR is flying back from South Korea this morning having left his only son there where he teaches EFL and makes films. Must be quite a wrench for him. When you get to our age and JohnR is two years older than me, you must think that separation will increase the chances of not seeing a loved one again. These are quite big things. Momentous things. I know how he dotes on his son and how much it pains him to not have him near. I suppose it is an emotion that most parents experience but, then, how would I know?
What I do know is that the beach is so much nicer without children. This morning it was delightfully warm but quiet, almost deserted. This is how the world should be.
It was lovely to walk in the sunshine unencumbered. There was no breeze and the tide had turned so the gentle lapping of the water on the beach was so soft that it reminded me of the gently breaking Aegean on the sands of Kamares Beach on Sifnos.
Thursday, 8th June, 2023
Don’t think I slept at all last night and now … a busy morning. We have guests arriving for Lunch in the garden today. I am ‘On Call’ throughout the morning – cleaning, tidying, fetching, carrying – in preparation. Nothing can be left to chance. The Chef is working flat out. She is producing a Greek -themed meal. We are having:
- Beetroot and Garlic Sauce – Σάλτσα παντζαριού και σκόρδου
- Tomato & Feta Salad – Σαλάτα ντομάτα & φέτα
- Courgette Fritters – κολοκυθοκεφτέδες
- Griddled Tuna Steaks – Μπριζόλες τόνου
- Roasted Peppers – Ψητές πιπεριές
- Black Asparagus – Μαύρα σπαράγγια
As usual, we are doing too much. Hope they’re very hungry. Have to ply them with lots of sparkling wine to make them hungry. Failing that, I’ll have to send for this group of Gannets that Julie sent me this morning from her latest photography trip.
I was shocked to hear that they have hardly seen the sun up on the East Coast of Yorkshire and the temperature has hovered around 13C all week. What with snow in North Wales, they should all move to the South Coast where I am and it is always sunny!
I haven’t told you this but I am by nature an anarchist. I believe rules are made to be broken. I am also an Aries boy. Passionate, determined and motivated, headstrong and impatient. I have always practised the principle that the ends largely justify the means.
Actually, these days ….. I am a moderate anarchist if that isn’t a contradiction in terms. I try to make sure that I don’t hurt people (too much) to achieve my goals. But, make no mistake, I am driven to get there and to break the rules to do it. To illustrate, I spent my working life driving like a maniac, never observing the speed limit. In retirement, I have time so I set my Automatic Cruise Control to the Speed Limit + 1mph to ensure I am breaking the rules but not too much. I am unable to do anything else.
Friday, 9th June, 2023
Up at 4.00 am on a hot and sticky night. Amazingly light at that time now. Drinking tea and watching Sky News. Going to be a hot day ahead although the rain that has been trailed for most of the week will not hit us and we could really do with it. We’re going to France next week and I was hoping for natural watering because I won’t be able to do it. Unfortunately, the first rain predicted for us is a week on Thursday for two hours.
According to Meteorologists, a weather cycle known as El Nino has officially formed in the Pacific Ocean – which will likely add more heat to a warming planet.
I was instructed that, after experimenting on our guests yesterday, we need a much bigger parasol to cover the whole table. One hour later, £253.98 poorer and absolutely shattered in 27C/81F of sunshine, I was allowed to rest – well, to water the garden.
Bought these lovely Alliums in Sainsbury’s yesterday. They look so perfect, you would be excused for thinking they were synthetic. They have a life of around 6 days, which is a pity, but I love them. They are ‘onion’ flowers, of course, but developed into the most majestic blooms.
I bet you don’t know who this is. It’s Sam Fender from Newcastle. Well I’m down with the kids but even I’d never heard of him. This morning at 9.30 am, my next door neighbours set off on a train journey of 5.5 hours and 3 changes of train to Newcastle to see him in concert tomorrow night. Can you imagine it? What kids today will do. Mind you, they are in their 50s.
Jason, who is a soft southerner, was shocked to find that he was leaving 27C and would be arriving in a strange land at 14C. I told them to take fur-lined anoraks and snow boots with them and they almost took me seriously.
Saturday, 10th June, 2023
Up at 3.33 am drinking tea. The milkman was delivering to a house up the road. At 3.33 am? Why? The moon is out but is replaced by the sun over the next hour. Feels like the night is over but back to bed for a couple of hours.
Feels like it’s over. The end of it all. How ironic on such a lovely day to be walking away from a lifetime’s obsession. Boris Johnson had always dreamed of being World King and now he has been rejected for what will probably be the last time. It will be a bitter pill to swallow. But we all have two choices: fight on or walk away from failure. He always does the latter. I don’t!
The mainstream Media is full of scare stories about the development of AI – Artificial intelligence – and the dangers of it challenging it’s makers, the human race. The great fears range from an assault on jobs to direct attacks on and control of us. I have to say, I welcome AI as we eventually did the automation of Manufacturing which moved population from the fields to the towns; as we swiftly did the introduction of the steam train and the combustion engine motor car; as we did the internet and email, mobile phones and texting.
It still comes as a bit of a shock when I search a product on-line and a day later I receive an email saying, You were interested in these trainers but didn’t complete your purchase. Have another look and we’ll offer you a 10% reduction. The sophistication of the algorithms is regularly shocking but can be turned to our own benefit. People learn to visit and not buy to entice a reduction.
I use Google search engine, Google Maps and a secondary Google email. I am invested in Google. Google is invested in me and tracks my mobile phone activity. I don’t mind it at all. In fact, I welcome the record. It is interesting to se the spread of our movement both within UK and the wider world.
From London and the South East, Hampshire, Sussex, Surrey to the Midlands, Repton & Burton to the North, Yorkshire & Lancashire and up to Scotland & Edinburgh. Driving down through Europe, through Belgium, Luxembourg, France, Germany, Switzerland, Italy visiting Coquelles, Paris, Reims, Metz, Colmar, Mulhouse, Basel, Lucerne, Como, Milan, Parma, Bologna, Ancona and on down the Adriatic to Greece, to Patras, Athens & Thessaloniki. Down the other side of France to Bergerac via Orleans and Limoges.
And then there were trips to the Canaries within touching distance of the Western Sahara and to America and different parts of Florida so close to Cuba as well as a trip to New York. Throughout these travels, Google Maps has tracked and recorded my movements, even downloading images that I’ve taken or are representative of places I’ve visited.