Sunday, 1st October, 2023
I want to say, Happy October. Happy New Month! but I’m finding it difficult. Will it be happy? I’m panicking. It’s going! Tempus Fugit! Don’t let it go. Don’t go!
Last week marked 58 years since my father’s death and this week will see my wife not celebrating reaching 72. I love statistics but I don’t like these.
Sorry, I’m OK now … I think. October will be another experience. I’m going to start my course of radiotherapy next week. It will dominate the month both in time and effect. This morning, I am breaking the habits of a lifetime by having TOAST for breakfast. I’m almost feeling bad just thinking about it.
It is fairly grey outside this morning although incredibly warm. Overnight, we didn’t go below 17C/63F and we expect to see 70F this morning. Our problem is not enough rain. Little bits over night but we really need to be in the North West. Lots of it up there this weekend and for the week to come. Could put a dampener on the Tory Party Conference in Manchester this week. Let’s hope so.
Went absolutely mad yesterday and completely valeted the car. Took about three hours and it’s looking great. I don’t think the Porsche I craved on Friday is going to get through the Scrutiny Committee so this car will have to do for a few more weeks.
Done my exercise to work off the toast. It is 22C/71F and delicious outside. Talking to friends to keep my spirits up. Watching the Ryder Cup even though I don’t play golf. Planning out how to solve some problems. Looks like it’s going to involve breaking some eggs that I pledged not to.
It is 7.30 pm. My wife is watching Strictly Come Dancing. I am banned from the room because I can’t stop scoffing at it. I hear a judge talking about GENIUS and look at the celebrity and …. never mind. I am cowering in my Office out of the way, browsing newspapers and watching another TV. Suddenly, the two situations are melded in a news item.
Apparently, Len Goodman was a judge on Strictly and he died 6 months ago. The cause was announced today. He had Prostate Cancer which had become Metastatic and spread to the bones and lymph nodes. Currently, my cancer is still contained within the prostate. If that remains the case, I have a 95% chance of complete eradication. If it has metastasised and gone into the bones or lymph glands, I have less than 30% chance of living 5 years. These are stark alternatives that are chosen by a throw of fate’s dice.
I’m going to need all the support I can get over the next few weeks. The whole process will be exhausting. Physically, I am told that radiotherapy will kill my energy levels, my appetite and anything else I enjoy. The journey will be wearing and the stress will take its toll. I am ready for it and I’m still optimistic but the odds are always in my mind.
Monday, 2nd October, 2023
Up early and out for a Flu jab at the Kamsons Pharmacy attached to our Surgery. Lovely people. Had to give my date of birth and they all said how young I looked for my age. They actually said my wife didn’t even look 50 although I suspect they weren’t looking too hard.
I noticed they were offering nasal flu vaccines but when I requested one they said it was only for children. You really can’t win. They tell me how young I look and then refuse me child benefits. Anyway, the needle didn’t hurt … much. I am now protected against Seasonal Flu and Swine flu. Apparently, the resurgence of H1N1, also known as swine flu is being observed across the southern hemisphere and is expected to arrive here. I can think of one or two people who really need to be vaccinated against swine diseases but I don’t think I’m one of them.
We had our Covid Boosters about 10 days ago and Covid cases have been rising quite steeply in the past few months. I am determined that nothing will delay my Radiotherapy month and I will eradicate this thing that has blighted my life for so long this year.
It’s been a beautiful day. Spent the morning mowing everybody’s lawns and trimming the hedge. Warm work. Good couple of hours’ walk this afternoon. Temperature 22C/71F in the local area and everywhere looked lovely. I’ve been sauntering around looking younger than my age all day and I’m sure you are too, Dear Reader. No Pressure!!
Tuesday, 3rd October, 2023
Blue sky and warm morning as I drive off to the Cancer Centre in Brighton. Just before leaving, the BBC announced that radiographers had joined consultants and Junior Doctors in striking today. At 8.30 am, the roads were desperate. Lane closures creating pinch points, rush hour creating traffic build-up, planned road works creating massive tailbacks. It all adds up to frustration. I’m already feeling frustrated and this just adds to it. Even so, an extra 20 mins driving was alright and will not stop me making my appointment.
Time past and time future
T.S. Eliot – Four Quartets: Burnt Norton
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present
Time has always been so important to me both Past, Present and Future. I’ve often thought that I find Present the hardest time to live in. You know the saying that Life isn’t a Rehearsal. I think I have tended to treat it exactly like that. Never satisfied with my performance in the Present, I think I will improve on it in the Future and that tracing failure in my Past will help inform that.
I was looking through some records from the past when I came upon these watches that have been significant to me. The Ingersoll above was the watch I wore as a boy at Grammar school in the 1950s – 1960s. The black, plastic, digital Casio was what I wore in my student days. That has seen some sights. It really appealed to me for its modernity and rejection of the past. Digital, plastic and square were the qualities that represented rejection of old fashioned design of the past and embracing Harold Wilson’s white, heat of the Technological age.
Of course, when I got married at the grand old age of 28, I was beginning to see myself as part of the new establishment, teacher and property owner. My wife bought me a watch more befitting of my status. Plastic and digital were out. Enduring, stainless steel and multifunction were in. And I wore that watch for 30 years. I still have it but, eventually, it was superseded by something a bit more delicate and digital again.
Until a real step up came out and so many life events were incorporated. The watch I wear now is one of a line of sports/phone watches I have worn over the past 5 years. It integrates with my phone and tells me of emails and texts coming in, of phone calls as they connect and of my exercise achievements for the day, heart rate, sleep patterns, weather in my area, calendar events and so much more. I love it but I am already looking for the next upgrade both of phone and watch. Time is becoming something of a sideshow other than it is running out and the danger is we game play in the Present and not take it seriously. The Future will be here only too soon.
Wednesday, 4th October, 2023
Warm and sunny morning … again. My main focus this morning – other than watching the Tories betray the North – is to source ingredients of a birthday meal for my wife who is officially ancient tomorrow. She will be 72! You know me, Dear Reader. On such occasions, I like to look back.
In this week 13 years ago, Pauline was just 59! Just writing it points up the huge transition of time. Seems obvious but 59 – 72 massive! In fact, this week 13 years ago was even more momentous than we expected. We had just driven back from Greece, off the Zeebrugge – Hull ferry and on to see Pauline’s Mum in Oldham. She wasn’t well. She was 96 years old and had been increasingly feeling her age.
We had retired the year before and were going to our Greek house for 6 months. We had sold our Yorkshire house while we were away in Greece, returned home to clear it and put our things in storage and gone to Greece until what we thought would be the middle of October.
Pauline and her Mum talked evey day, sometimes twice a day over Skype. At the end of September, it was becoming clear that she wasn’t well. Her swollen leg had burst one night and her subsequent treatment had been poor and exacerbated her condition. We decided that we had to return early to be with her. It was exactly the right decision as it turned out.
We were homeless and moved in to Mum-in-Law’s Retirement home in the Guest Room. She went into hospital and over the next two weeks was about to come home 3 or 4 times but relapsed with new problems popping up. Unfortunately, she never did come out and died in mid October 13 years ago. We went on to sell the Greek house, buy a property in Surrey, sell that after 5 years and move to Sussex. How much can change in 13 years.
I was feeling a little sad already and remembering this has accentuated it. It was a difficult time. We felt so responsible. Did we do the right things? Make the right decisions? Doubt lingers in our minds. Balancing our own lives with those of ones we love is always difficult.
Thursday, 5th October, 2023
Lovely day. I am on birthday duties. It is Pauline’s 72nd birthday. Unbelievable that we are 144. In fact, it is Gross. Going down to walk on the beach. We’ll need it with the meal I am serving:
- * Boeuf Bourguignon with
* Jacket Potato dripping in Butter
************************************
* Coffee & Walnut Cake with
* Coffee Ice cream & thick Jersey Cream
I cooked the Bourguignon using Fillet Steak and a bottle of red wine yesterday so that the flavour matures. I didn’t make the cake but I will be assembling the constituent parts with real skill.
Texts, DMs, phone calls and even some cards from around the world this morning. Pauline’s closest school friend, Sue, who emigrated to Gozo, the Maltese island, was in contact this morning. They left UK about 5 years ago but are already thinking of moving on if not back to Lancashire. These contacts throw up so many memories don’t they. It can be painful as it points up the passage of time – something that we often ignore or block out if we can. It makes us look at ourselves again afresh and think about how much has changed in that time. I always think it is important to view one’s self in the context of time. Others are scared of it.
The next few days are going to be wonderful. This morning is starting off a little cloudy but we are told it will burn off and the sun will come out. The next 5 days are forecast to be all sunshine and temperatures reaching upper 20s C.
Friday, 6th October, 2023
Well, the birthday celebrations went off well yesterday. I ended up with a fully satisfied customer.
The morning started off happily with lots of contacts and cards. Amazing how many people we know when things like this happen and how far flung they are around the world.
We went out to the beach to walk in the warm sun and lovely sea air. Rustington Beach was quiet and beautiful – just the place for birthday posing. The smell of the sea was gorgeous and the colours of the scene really inviting.
Followed our healthy walk by champagne snack for Lunch and a bit of sunshine in the garden. Dinner went well, I am told and we drank too much wine before pledging to give up completely now until after my treatment.
We finished the evening – as you do on special occasions – watching a political docu-drama downloaded from Channel 4. Partygate was chilling in its blend of fact and fiction, a horrible reminder of that time of Johnson’s duplicitous government. Johnson has gone. Truss has gone and, soon, they will all be gone as the byelection in Scotland over night illustrates.
Even warmer and sunnier this morning. Unfortunately the first job is Dentist. Just one occasion when I’d rather visit the hairdresser but you can’t have everything. Sometimes, you can’t have anything. Of course, my teeth are so old that little changes now. I can’t remember the last time I needed work. Today was the same.
It has stayed delightfully Summer all day. Talked to girl in Lancashire this morning who said it was chucking it down and the roads were flooded. That’s actually how she said it.
Saturday, 7th October, 2023
Another lovely day. By 9.00 am the sky was blue, the sun was out and the temperature had reached 22C/71F which is not too shabby for 7th October.
If you are a regular reader, you will know I get news, information, posts from lots of places to which I have/had a connection. They are called Push Alerts which means that, instead of me going to find them, they are sent to me automatically all day and all night. You would love it, Dear Reader! Over night, I got information about car hire in Florida. This morning I got dire warnings of heavy rain and flooding about to hit the North of England particularly in North Yorkshire. Down here, the Summer goes on.
If you read me at all, you will know that I love Data. I have that sort of mind where acquiring data, tabulating and saving data in neat order and then referring back to that data is important and enjoyable. I save every phone number, address, every email, every text, every letter, every financial record, every warranty, every life event …. for ever. Members of my family are amazed that I know every birthday. I run an on-line calendar which records all those sorts of things. I am mortified if I forget or get a birthday wrong. That is what the National Records Office is there for – to substantiate or correct.
I keep spreadsheet records of my health readings – INR and so on, of our power usage in different homes over the years and like to compare them. My wife is driven mad because I won’t let her throw out all my/her payslips going back to the 1970s. I have all my notes from my B.A Degree and my Masters Degree. And, of course, we have our Financial records going back to 1978 just as I have my Blog going back to 2008. An old man and fellow Historian who had been Head of History in our school in Oldham dropped in for Lunch the other day and Pauline was surprised to find that he had kept all his records as well right up to his current age of 83. I almost felt vindicated.
Of course, payslips are easy. I have box files full of them. Nowadays things like Texts or Emails, digital photos or documents are backed up in the Cloud because you never know when you might need them.