Sunday, 3rd December, 2023
This week completes my 15th year of posting my daily dribblings. It almost coincides with and shadows my Retirement. Lots of people contact me about it and others just read. It has been criticised as self indulgent, self pitying, sleep-inducing and praised as thoughtful, interesting, and amusing. (You know who you are.) I don’t write it for you. I write it completely for myself. I write it to remember. I write to fill in the gaps when I don’t remember any more. Even so, all are welcome. I will miss you if you leave.
The Blog is a tool to cope with my life’s ups and downs. Writing things down forces me to think it through and come to terms with them. Some people bottle these things up. Some talk about them. I write. In my view it’s better out than in. I have been doing it all my life in one guise or another. I would write letters, Newsletters, a Family website, my own, personal website and then added my Blog. The Blog form was made for people like me. You will know that the word Blog is an amalgam of Web Log.
At the time I was publishing my own websites, I was also developing, publishing and persuading staff to use school websites and intranets. I have spent the last 25 years improving my technical skills in web construction and presentation, learning how to use professional web design software and employing professional technicians to help me. Nowadays, anybody with a little nouse can do it without investing so much time learning the skills.
While I’m writing today, I am listening to a childhood hero of mine – Bob Dylan, the pop poet – who I came to while in Grammar School:
How does it feel, ah how does it feel?
Bob Dylan – 1965
To be on your own, with no direction home
Like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone.
I tell the world about my problems but I was moved by a friend of mine from North Yorkshire who told me yesterday that he was depressed and lacking joie de vivre. He loves the sunshine and warmth of Spain and goes there many times a year. At home after an operation, he has the misfortune of snow and ice. He thinks he is suffering from SAD syndrome and that can be very debilitating. At least there will be a simple solution to his sadness when he is able to fly away to the sunshine.
Lots of friends around the country have snow and cold this weekend. JohnR was enthusiastically helping to arrange a candlelit carol service at Fountains Abbey in North Yorkshire this weekend. It has had to be cancelled. John Morris in Nottingham has lots of snow and Dave Weatherley in Bolton has snow. Dave Roberts in Rochdale has snow. I must admit, I am delighted to report that, as soon as our heating was fixed, it went so much warmer down here and we are 10C/50F today. If I ever see snow on the Sussex coast, I will be disappointed but be sure you will be the first to hear of it, Dear Reader.
Monday, 4th December, 2023
A depressing day of dark skies and fine, wetting rain. You would love it, Dear Reader. Actually, Lizzie Frainier, The Times Travel Editor chose a sunnier weekend and really loved it. She has written an up beat and enthusiastic article about visiting Worthing.
She was particularly impressed with the new restaurant, Perch on the Pier and the trendy, beachside Crab Shack. Forget wet Wales and come to sunny Worthing!
There is something none of us should be doing and that is putting things off. Time is so precious and current events teach us this every day. In the past week, two, major figures from Left Wing politics have died and both before they reached 80. First, the thoughtful, softly spoken economist, Alistair Darling died of cancer aged only 70.
And then, Glenys Kinnock, former teacher, MEP, Life Peer and wife of Labour Leader, Neil Kinnock died aged 79 after suffering Alzheimer’s for 6 years.
This is the way the world ends
T.S. Eliot – The Hollow Men – 1925
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
None of us know. None of us really know what will happen. It can happen instantly or very, very slowly. It can happen now or it can happen long into the future. All we do know is that it will happen. The time to reach out is now. Sometimes it means so much.
Tuesday, 5th December, 2023
Really not sleeping well at the moment and I’m still using the World Service to block out thoughts aggravating my mind. I’m trying desperately to control myself. At 3.30 this morning I was listening to information about a breakthrough treatment for prostate cancer which is being rolled out to NHS clinics across the country.
H.I.F.U. uses high-frequency sound waves to destroy tumours, with much milder side-effects than traditional therapies for more advanced cancers. Just my luck and story of my life.
As the Blog reaches another milestone, I have been thinking about legacy and gravestones and the latest hot topic – Artificial Intelligence which many of us have been using for years without realising – and it’s application to becoming immortal. I’m sure you would be happy for me and my Blog to go on in perpetuity. Oh Yes, you would!
With HereAfter AI, users record answers to interview questions and upload photos while they’re still alive, leaving behind a virtual version of themselves. Grief Tech is part of a larger trend of using technology to cope with loss. The subject records ideas, beliefs, activities, experiences – sounds like a Blog – and then the AI software uses that data to populate its program which bereaved loved ones can then communicate with, interrogate and be consoled by. So, Dear Reader, I am with you for ever!
… Let me take you down ’cause I’m going to …. the beach again. This morning, the sun has definitely got his hat on as we walked on the beach where the River Arun runs into the English Channel.
At least you no longer have to worry about the ongoing existence of the Blog. It will be there for you as long as you are …. there.
Wednesday, 6th December, 2023
A beautiful day outside and we went for a walk in the afternoon but the morning was given to reading, writing, politics, PMQs, Johnson blustering through the Covid Inquiry and Braverman giving her Resignation Speech. Kevin & I had a chat about his new, SAD light which arrived this morning.
My Housekeeper is running through Christmas preparations. Neither of us is particularly committed to the Festival but these things have to be faced. Her responsibility is Catering. She has already produced a Pudding & two Cakes. She is making a series of other Sweets for diners and is planning the Starters in advance. Endless lists are prepared. Huge trips to Sainsburys are planned. There are Christmas card lists to go through and presents to order or search out.
None of these activities are begrudged. None are subject to affordability. The expense is largely irrelevant. We are lucky enough or astute enough to not need to stint ourselves or others.
It is incredible that a large section of the population are condemned to starving to support their families, are condemned to freezing to afford to eat, are condemned to suffering to give their children a Christmas present. I remember when I was Head of an Oldham school, one of my parents came to beg me for help because she had had to break the gas meter to steal the cash inside in order to buy food for her kids at Christmas. Arrested, she was expecting prison and her children in Care. She wanted me to write to the court in mitigation. Why should anyone be put in that position?
In the past couple of days, our bank accounts have received our professional pensions, our state pensions, £500.00 for two Winter Fuel Payments and £20.00 for Christmas Bonuses. We are not inclined to turn down our entitlements but we do see the miserable irony of our bounty set against others poverty. When you read the newspaper reports into poverty, you realise the painful disparity across society.
Thursday, 7th December, 2023
A grey, boringly dull day which is dominated by Medical events. Pauline & I pledged that, when we got old, we would not allow medical matters to dominate our thoughts and actions, that we would take more responsibility for our own health. Well, I’ve smashed that idea this year completely haven’t I. Sorry.
I’ve been testing my INR (blood coagulation) for 14 years since I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. I do it once a week at home and record it on a spreadsheet. There aren’t many people in the country who can say that. It’s no big deal and I wouldn’t even mention it if there was anything more interesting going on. There is only one event that I really care about at the moment and that will be on December 29th when I will hear how my cancer is developing.
Unfortunately, I am having to take Pauline to Worthing hospital this afternoon because we are concerned that the Covid Booster has reset her heart rhythm. She is having tests to determine what the problem is. For someone who has never had a problem with her blood pressure in her life, this is concerning. I never want to involve you in my problems but I have to write them out.
Life is subject to the guillotine of fate. We never know what is going to happen. That is why we have to act while we can and not wait. I have friends who put off and put off and …. That is fatal. You have to act, risk, try, whatever the outcome.
Do you know who this is? I booked him to come to my school about 30 years ago to speak to a cohort of youngsters about writing. Benjamin Zephaniah was an oral poet, novelist, playwright, children’s writer and reggae artist. He even appeared in ‘Peaky Blinders’. I invited him to come to my school to talk to a group of kids who were ethnically marginalised. He was shy, unassuming and absolutely delightful. It was announced this morning that he had died of a brain tumour which was only diagnosed 7 weeks ago. He was just 65.
You never know what can happen. If you want to, do it now! Never delay because you don’t know what can happen to destroy your plans. Believe me, Dear Reader. Don’t delay. Do it today!
Friday, 8th December, 2023
Lovely, warm and sunny day that feels like Springtime. The birds are singing, bees are buzzing and butterflies are fluttering by in abundance. It really raises the spirits. Did a long walk this morning and everywhere feels as if it is celebrating the season. On that walk through a housing development near the park, I was struck by how the world looked like very early Autumn …. in mid-December! It feels quite liberating.
I get sent news from areas around the country. Yorkshire is suffering dreadful flooding. Manchester had strong rain throughout yesterday evening but had also experienced beautiful night skies of the aurora borealis type. It seems appropriate for Manchester to enjoy the Northern Lights especially in the Northern Quarter with Chanel’s Métiers d’Art show.
Are you sending Christmas Cards this year? Last year we went to America before Christmas and contacted people with a newsletter in October to say we wouldn’t be at home to send cards. There are lots of people on the card list who we haven’t seen for years but with whom I don’t want to lose contact. For quite a while, though, posted cards have seemed very last century. Each year for the past 5 we have debated Digital v Analogue. After a family meeting today, we’ve agreed to send one more year’s cards but to include the message that we will be going digital next year. We will make a contribution to Cancer Research in lieu of cards and postage.
The Post Office will go out of business next year but, for now, don’t forget to run to collect the post when it comes through the door because it will, I promise, include a card from me … at some time. The other thing I guarantee is that it will feature a robin of some sort.
By this time in the afternoon, I announce that I’m going in the Garage/Gym. Yes, the building is designed as a Garage but it is now entirely a Gym / Cooking Area with Freezer / Wine Cellar / Mezanine Storage area. For more than 40 years, I have parked in my garage. This one has not been used as a garage for over 3 years. I suddenly realised that it no longer feels unusual, uncomfortable or difficult. I also realise that I clean the car less because it is always outside and subject to the weather. Anyway, you go in the Garage. I’m going in the Gym.
Saturday, 9th December, 2023
Never give in, Dear Reader. The day started off in heavy rain but is now extremely warm and sunny. A long walk is prescribed but I have spent the morning re-reading a year’s Blog in preparation for writing my Christmas Newsletter. When your memory is as fuzzy as mine, running back over your year is an interesting prospect.
We heard overnight that the Love Story was over. Ryan O’Neal, one of the stars of the 1970 film had died aged 82. He had …. prostate cancer and was diagnosed at the age of 72. Oh, Hell! Oh well. That’s me warned.
Unlike me, the rest of the world seems to be looking forward to, preparing for, Christmas. My old friend, JohnR, was performing with the Folk Group he started almost 50 years ago to reflect where he lived and spent his life.
Our street is starting to acquire the festivity that the residents seem to enjoy. I just keep my head down and let it pass. Actually, we are having roast turkey for Supper tonight. The chef bought one yesterday to produce stock for the Christmas gravy. Nothing is left to chance in this house!